Merging Into Life: Planning a Dinner Party

[00:01:54]
Amanda Greene: For more than 10 years now, Dana Marie has been throwing dinner parties for a living.

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Dana Marie Roquemore: Behind the scenes, we’re taking care of everything. The chefs, the cocktails, setting the table, doing the tablescape, custom floral design, custom bar menu, doing the dishes at the end of the night, making sure that everything is flowing smoothly. We really want people to be connected and to feel connected, and around the dinner table is where we’re doing that.

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Amanda Greene: I love that. Why do you think people are drawn to this type of experience?

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Dana Marie Roquemore: I believe that we all need connection. I grew up around the dinner table so most nights, I was with my family and I had to look my parents in the eyes and have real conversation. That’s something that I think is incredibly important, to know how to interact with one another, to have real conversation. Maybe we don’t always agree all the time, but how to navigate social dynamics, how to navigate good conversation.

[00:02:45]
Amanda Greene: Do you think meeting in this way, over a meal, changes the dynamic of socializing?

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Dana Marie Roquemore: I do. I think that it is important to be in that real life moment. For us, it’s about the hosting and about the curation, and that really is what sets us apart than going out to dinner. You can go out to dinner to a loud, noisy restaurant and have a great time. You’re going to have beautiful food and drinks. With the Dinner Party Project, we are really about how do we engage the whole table together. We have a host and that host is really engaging everybody while letting everybody have a turn to speak and to have a conversation about the group dynamics.

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Amanda Greene: For someone hosting maybe their first dinner party ever, embracing adulting and wanting to gather people in your life to do this, is this the time to get elaborate with a menu or should you keep it simple and mass appeal?

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Dana Marie Roquemore: I think maybe your level of what is comfortable to you. It will also not be perfect. Before I started the Dinner Party Project, I had a birthday party at my house and I invited probably 18 people or something, and I was doing gnocchi and I didn’t calculate enough and I didn’t have enough food basically for everybody. I didn’t lose any friends, but sometimes it’s like you just got to start. It’s not going to be perfect, and sometimes you are going to have smaller portions that you thought you were going to have, but you’re having fun and people are together and they’re celebrating. The effort is the biggest part and the invitation around the table is the biggest part.

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Amanda Greene: OK, so how do you plan a menu, especially without breaking the bank?

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Dana Marie Roquemore: I don’t think it has to blow your budget. I think that there’s great resources out there. Personally, I invest in a cooking app. There’s endless recipes on there. There’s so many ways of getting inspiration. I think a cheese board, charcuterie board can go a long way of just buying a couple cheeses, couple of fruits. You can really, I think, stretch your budget and create what you want with whatever you’re working with.

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Amanda Greene: What are your thoughts on having a dinner party be a potluck where everyone brings a dish?

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Dana Marie Roquemore: I love it. I love it.

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Amanda Greene: Oh.

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Dana Marie Roquemore: Yes, absolutely. I am for any way that people are gathering together, whether it’s a fancy birthday dinner where you do bring in the chef and you do the whole thing and you ball out or you’re just like yeah, bring over a dish. With that, sometimes I would say know what everyone’s bringing so you don’t have six sides and two desserts and no main. But yeah, I think it’s the inviting and the hosting is the main part and then from there, it’s up to you what you want your evening to look like.

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Amanda Greene: What about drinks?

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Dana Marie Roquemore: Yeah.

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Amanda Greene: Are you typically doing a signature cocktail or do you have a full bar? What do you usually do?

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Dana Marie Roquemore: If it’s informal, it’s informal, which is awesome. Maybe you have a pitcher of cocktails and people can pour their own or you have wine that’s just at the table. When people come to dinner, sometimes they bring their favorite bottle of wine and we share their favorite bottle of wine around the table, which is fun and sometimes a conversation starter like oh, I had this in Spain and I found it here and I’m bringing it to share with you. We definitely always have a non-alcoholic option. We want people to feel comfortable and safe and included, so we do mocktails, we have sometimes done non-alcoholic wine, and as a host, I really always want to be aware that there is an Uber or there’s a way for them to get home safely.

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Amanda Greene: What about when it comes to things like the tablescape and centerpieces?

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Dana Marie Roquemore: Sometimes we have fresh florals at our dinners and sometimes we don’t. Sometimes it’s a mix of candles and found objects, and sometimes we mix that in with eucalyptus or greenery, which is also a very cheap way to make a tablescape look very full. Sometimes you have cute things around your house that you could get a runner and then from there, you could just piece together candles that you have or little found objects or antique things and make it fun. Or, if you want to go and get a couple bunches of flowers, having little bud vases I think makes it look a little bit fuller. If you get hydrangeas, which are really not that expensive usually, and then having a couple of those down the table, that really makes it look full and fun.

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Amanda Greene: Are those elaborate tablescapes that we often see on Instagram important in setting the mood and the tone and the way that your guests are going to walk away from the experience? Is that a really important part of the dinner party?

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Dana Marie Roquemore: I think part of it is, especially again, what type of level of hosting that you’re wanting to do. But I think for something special, especially like a birthday or a celebration or a holiday, you really want it to feel like an occasion. Having a beautifully set table I think is really special, and it shows a lot of intention and time and care for your guests. If you came over and you had paper plates and solo cups, that sets one tone for the evening, and that’s one way to gather, which is beautiful. If you have a table set and you have your good silverware out and your good napkins out, it shows people wow, they really care about me being here at the table. I have to hand wash the silverware, I have to wash these napkins and fold them again. I think it does add a really beautiful element to the dining experience.

[00:08:16]
Amanda Greene: Extra care. The care, and the thought, and the planning that went into making it beautiful. People notice those things. Once you have your menu set and your table decorated, it’s time to think about invitations. How many people do you invite?

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Dana Marie Roquemore: I would say no less than 8. And then more than 12, you lose the intimacy around the table.

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Amanda Greene: Yeah.

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Dana Marie Roquemore: I would shoot for maybe 10 because sometimes somebody can’t come at the last minute, so having 8 feels like a really good-sized number.

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Amanda Greene: That’s manageable. How do I decide who to invite?

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Dana Marie Roquemore: When I started the Dinner Party Project, I have lived in Orlando for a long time and I know a lot of people casually. You go out to events, you chat them up, but you don’t really know them that well. I was like I would like to know these people a little bit more in depth. I also had a lot of really great friendships with deep friends, but a lot of those friends didn’t know each other and so I was like OK, how do I connect all these people that I kind of know and then meet new people myself? I thought around a dinner table would be a great place to do so. I do believe when you’re thinking of a guest list, you can think maybe of that nature. Who do I want to know better? Or maybe you want them to bring somebody that you don’t know.

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Amanda Greene: What if the hospitality part of it doesn’t really come naturally to someone? Do you have tips about how to keep the conversation flowing and keep everyone comfortable?

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Dana Marie Roquemore: We start with introductions and that’s an easy way to get people talking, so going around doing a short intro of themselves. People, for the most part, love talking about themselves. That’s a really easy way to get people rolling. We also have really great conversation starters. One of my favorites is if you could wake up tomorrow with a superpower, what would it be? Or if you could enable one thing into law that everybody had to adhere to, what law would you want to enable? Maybe having a couple of those in your back pocket to say here’s a question for the table and I want to hear from everybody. You could talk about music, you could bring up a film that’s popular at the moment. Have some of those things maybe written down so it doesn’t feel like you will be lost if things get weird.

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Amanda Greene: Yeah. There’s always one person in every group that insists on helping when they come to your house. They insist on being in the kitchen, coming in and helping, helping to clean up. Should we be letting them?

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Dana Marie Roquemore: Yes. I think yes and no. If it’s a more formal sit down, maybe if you have help in that situation, then maybe just gently remind them like hey, I want you here and I want you engaged. This is for you. If it’s more of a hang, more casual, more fluid, then maybe if they want to help do the dishes, don’t kick them out of your kitchen because they want to be a part of that, which is fine but yeah, I think the more intentional the night with really people being together, get them out of the kitchen. That’s not their job. Their job is to be a guest and to be with everybody for the duration of the dinner.

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Amanda Greene: You’ve given a lot of amazing ideas about how to throw a great dinner party, but in your opinion, what are the core most important parts to having a successful, memorable, meaningful dinner party?

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Dana Marie Roquemore: The first thing, the most important is really to make people feel welcomed. The hosting element is addressing people when they come in. For us, we’re handing them a cocktail or a mocktail, making sure that people are feeling included. They don’t have to be talking. Obviously everyone’s not talking the entire time, but making sure that they’re feeling included and feeling known. I think that’s the most important key element. And then having enough food, which was my rookie mistake a long time ago, but the atmosphere that you’re setting with the music, the ambiance, the connection. Hey, have you met this person? Making sure that everyone feels like they’re part of the conversation.

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Amanda Greene: I feel like anyone and everyone would want to experience this kind of connection and closeness with their friends and family, but aren’t going about hosting dinner parties. What do you think is stopping people from just doing this more often?

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Dana Marie Roquemore: I think part of it is being like OK, I am going to host something. What is a date on the calendar? It’s picking a date on the calendar and doing it, just jumping in, just being like okay, on the 7th at 7 p.m., I’m putting this on the calendar, I’m sending out the invitation. It does take intention, but you’re wanting to say I care about you, I want you in my home. People aren’t going to remember the dirty dishes, they’re remembering that you have taken the time and what an honor it is to be invited into someone’s home. I think just starting there. Maybe it’s not even a fancy dinner, maybe it’s a potluck, maybe it’s a picnic. There’s not a lot of out-of-pocket for either of those, but people are going to remember that wow, Amanda invited me over to her house with a handful of friends or maybe people that I didn’t know and I got invited and she asked me thoughtful questions.

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Amanda Greene: So toss out the idea that it has to be fancy or perfect, I guess, and just gather your people. What is your advice to people to get past the idea that it has to be something perfect and fancy?

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Dana Marie Roquemore: I think it’s the intention behind it, which is being together. If that is what you want, if that’s really what you’re wanting for your community or your friends then saying I’m just going to start somewhere. You just have to rip off the Band-Aid and be like it’s not going to be perfect the first time, which is totally fine. People really, for the most part, unless the house is on fire, are not really going to remember those details. The details mostly that they’re going to remember is the atmosphere that you’re creating for them and the interest in their life. Invite people in, bring your friends. I always love when people bring somebody that I don’t know, I’m trying to meet new people. Have intention, put it on the calendar, invite your friends and say, at this time on this date, would you like to come over?

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Amanda Greene: If it sounds like something that you have even a little bit of interest in doing, just do it.

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Dana Marie Roquemore: Just do it. Just put it out there and you’ll be surprised that … When I started this 10-plus years ago, I was like I don’t know if anybody’s going to come over. I was like I’m going to open my home. I have a table for 8 people, I’m just going to open my doors. It wasn’t a business idea, it was just like I just love having people over. I need something new in my life. I think that people will be more responsive than you think in your head.

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Amanda Greene: Yeah, I think people are craving community more than ever, and where better to do it than around your dinner table.

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Dana Marie Roquemore: Mm-hmm.

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Amanda Greene: Really awesome. Dana Marie, you have me inspired. I’m already trying to think who are my 8 people? Who should I be planning something special for? Before you go, I want to ask you some rapid-fire questions.

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Dana Marie Roquemore: OK.

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Amanda Greene: The first thing that comes to mind when it comes to hosting a dinner party, are you ready?

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Dana Marie Roquemore: Yes.

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Amanda Greene: As a guest, do you bring something for the host?

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Dana Marie Roquemore: Yes.

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Amanda Greene: What are we thinking?

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Dana Marie Roquemore: A bottle of something is always nice. Candles, honestly, you can’t go wrong with a nice candle. Flowers, nobody would say no to. Or it could be something like a kitchen tool or a pack of playing cards that are really fun.

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Amanda Greene: I love the idea. A pack of playing cards is a really cute idea. That never crossed my mind. OK, when do you show up? 15 minutes early, right on time, 15 minutes late, or just whenever you feel like it?

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Dana Marie Roquemore: For me, for our dinner parties, if people arrive right on time, that is the chef’s kiss. Sometimes you’re like please don’t arrive early because you’re still doing the last-minute things. You’re like ahhh. Making the cocktails, doing the thing. I would personally say never to arrive early to a dinner party. What I have also learned with my friends is to say drinks are starting at this time, 5:30, dinner is at 7, because some people are just really late. If I want people there at a very specific time to sit down to dinner, then I tell them drinks are starting at this time, but I want everybody here at this time so we can all sit down together.

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Amanda Greene: Totally.

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Dana Marie Roquemore: Just communicating that.

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Amanda Greene: Is there a way, after this amazing evening and good vibes and everything’s been going great, is there a way to gracefully guide people to the door and signal the night is over?

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Dana Marie Roquemore: Yeah, absolutely. As the host, you’re there to guide the evening. You’re reading the room, you’re reading when it’s time to wrap up, if it’s time to wrap up for you, then you’re just like oh my gosh, guys, this has been incredible. What a beautiful evening. I am so glad that you shared this night with me. I love it, I hope we can do this again.

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Amanda Greene: I’m going to be practicing that line because that is the most awkward part of an ending of anything for me. I’m like how do we get out of here? There’s a wrap-up speech, basically. This has been amazing.

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Dana Marie Roquemore: This has been amazing. I’m so glad that you joined me around my table. What a beautiful night. And then you get up. I think that that signals to people that we’re heading toward a door or we’re heading towards a nightcap somewhere else or wherever. You are the host for the night. This is your dinner, this is your time, so you get to navigate and you get to call when the night is over and how to gracefully wrap up the evening.

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Amanda Greene: You really have inspired me, so thank you so much for coming on podcast and sharing all of your expertise with us. It’s been great meeting you, Dana Marie.

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Dana Marie Roquemore: Likewise. My pleasure.

[00:17:25]
Amanda Greene: This is the last episode of season one of Merging Into Life. We really appreciate you joining us, and this is the perfect time to look back over the season. Feel free to go see if you’ve missed something in our previous episodes. There are so many great nuggets to take away. I hope you’ve had as much fun and learned as much as I have along the way. As always, we would love to hear from you. Please leave us a review wherever you listen to your podcasts, or email us at podcast@aaanortheast.com. The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are not necessarily the views of AAA Northeast, AAA, and/or its affiliates. OK, so this dinner party thing is happening. I’ve already saved to date. OK, kids, who wants to polish silverware and who wants to dust?

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Amanda’s Daughter: Not me.

[00:18:09]
Amanda’s Daughter: Not me.

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Amanda Greene: Neither?

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Amanda’s Daughter: I would rather relax.