Merging Into Life: How to Take an Analog Vacation and Actually Unplug

[00:04:08] Frank: What really motivated me into this was coming out of university, joining a big organization, and really climbing the corporate ladder. What that taught me was it’s not what it all promised itself to be in terms of satisfaction. Naturally, there’s a huge amount of competition at the start of your career to climb the organization’s ladder, whatever way that looks within the specific organization, and don’t get me wrong, my first foray into the corporate world was fantastic. I got all the opportunities I’d asked for. But there was a level of competition that I wasn’t very comfortable with, the way you were fighting with your peers to climb and prove to your organization that you have value, and you demonstrate that value by how many hours you’re putting in, how you’re perhaps sidestepping each other. And my entire vision coming into university and coming out of university was I was going to buy into that North American dream of You know, big house, car, 2.5 kids, married life, all that kind of stuff. And I was really into a lot of vanity at that point of time, bodybuilding and aligning my approach to each day with how do I look? Am I looking the best? Am I, looking better than the person next to me? And it took an injury in the gym, which forced me to basically take a complete step back from the gym, in a debilitating way, perhaps, of suddenly having all this free time on my hands. And the networks and the social circles that I had built at that point in time just naturally stepped away from me, which was a bit of an odd shock to me, because I thought these were my close personal friends. But I quickly recognized that all these associations and relationships I’d built on this vain image of myself, and that’s what they had related to, and suddenly that was no longer there.

[00:05:59] Frank: So, I started feeling some level of anxiety of approaching my day-to-day at work. I started getting into a scenario where I almost, I would say actually, started getting myself into a panic attack every single morning getting into work. How do I spend my days? What am I doing with my life? Is this really what I wanted? And my wife, then girlfriend, you know, we were high school sweethearts, but she said to me, and this stuck with me at the time, “I’m not sure you’re the guy I thought you were going to be. This is heading in a different direction.” That started me on a journey of discovering meditation, some mindfulness practices, long story there, but ended up at a Buddhist monastery over Christmas. All my family and friends had Christmas booked off, and my girlfriend was out of town as well. So, I had nothing to do, all this free time. So, I didn’t know what to do, booked myself at this Buddhist monastery. It was an hour and a half drive to the monastery outside of town on top of a mountain completely off-grid. When I got into the car, this gentleman named Dennis, I can only describe him as a silver-haired hippie, long ponytail right to his waist. I remember him saying to me, oh boy, you have no idea what you’ve signed yourself up for here for Frank. He gets out of the car, and we’re in the middle of a forest here. And I remember thinking to myself distinctly, “this is how I’m going to die. This is it. I’ve gotten into the car of an ax murderer. This is how it all goes down.”

[00:07:28] Sabrina Pierotti: That’s just naturally what happens.

[00:07:30] Frank: Totally! There it was, this beautiful Buddhist monastery in the middle of nowhere. The abbot came up to me, and he said, “welcome, we’re going to get you into the meditation hall.” And away we go. And then it was pure silence after that. So, that was pretty incredible. I came back from that retreat, and my entire life had changed. This term that’s very popular now, mindfulness, I could see exactly how I wanted to live my days, how I want to really bring this sense of being in front of everybody and everything that I do. That was the genesis of analog tools, analog routines and finding that way you could bring mindfulness into everything I do.

[00:08:08] Sabrina Pierotti: That’s awesome. Before we dive into analog rituals, I want to talk about devices for a little bit because this was a silent retreat, no devices. And when there isn’t that distraction, of course, everything starts to calm and you can see everything so much clearer. And now for someone who doesn’t want to do the extreme of like a monastery or a silent retreat but still wants the same benefits of what you had walking out of that retreat.

[00:08:36] Frank: Yeah, I think it’s a perpetual struggle. The promise of the smartphone was the immediacy of connectivity, right? And it really broke that down, that barrier or that boundary. I’m going to sound like an old-timer now, I face-to-face or over the phone, before the smartphone. The thing with the smartphone is that immediacy connectivity. Yeah, it’s a phone, but it’s a billion other things. And so, it’s very easy to get sucked into that pressure of, I have to be on call for my family and friends just in case, just in case. And I think it’s very healthy to navigate that openly, at least I have in my personal life with my close relationships, to just very carefully say, “I’m here for you, absolutely, but I’m going to have this setting on my phone that you might have to call twice to really get my attention. And only call me if there’s a really big emergency. But otherwise, we’re going to set some time aside. I’m going to come over to your house. You’re going to come over to my house, and we’re going to have our connection that way.”

[00:09:33] Frank: I found doing that was actually quite the pivot in all my relationships that were important to me, because through that exercise, the acquaintances that I thought were really important just naturally fell away, and there was no harm, no foul. And the connection that I was seeking through the smartphone with my close family and friends actually became so much more meaningful doing it outside of the phone. We actually were having an interaction that was nontransactional. We were talking to each other in real time, and really hearing the other person as opposed to when you’re on your phone, you are thinking about 15 other things you could be doing. And just having that face-to-face connection, I just thought that was so great.

[00:10:15] Sabrina Pierotti: Yeah. That’s a very glowing example of like, yeah, digital promises, convenience and connectivity, but it’s not what us humans need on a deeper level. I want to start talking about analog a little bit and what that means, because your entire channel, Stationery At 4, is about analog living. Like you write with fountain pens, you journal, you have vinyl records. What do these experiences for you, the analog experiences and rituals, give you that something digital just can’t.

[00:10:48] Frank: Let’s take journaling as an example. There are journaling apps available on your phone or on your computer, but the tactile sensation of doing that that way, it never really clicked for me. And there’s something so inherent about pen to paper that forces your entire body and mind to be engaged in that activity. That’s exactly what journaling does. The vinyl was an interesting experience. I really enjoyed apps that just allowed you to have such a plethora of a catalog available to you. But I also felt that I was getting lost in it. There was algorithms that were dictating exactly what I thought I should be listening to. I didn’t have an ownership of the physical media, but for me personally, just the intention of sitting there, putting on a record, which involved a physical act, and it’s inconvenient. It truly is in a lot of ways, because you only listen to one side for about 20 minutes, then you have to get up and flip the record to the other side. Well, what I loved about doing this is your full attention’s on the album. It’s not necessarily background music. And even if it is, you’re still paying attention to it. And that 20-minute break forces you to stop and go and change it. I found myself listening to a whole album exactly as the way the artist intended it. There is an inconvenience involved in that, and I found that music became a lot more alive.

[00:12:07] Sabrina Pierotti: I love that. Speaking to my personal vinyl experience, my husband gave me such a new appreciation. We have a ritual, it’s really like a date night that we do every Thursday night to get an early start to the weekend. We put a vinyl record on, we have a beverage of choice in hand, and it is like just our time to connect. Like the devices are away, we’re just listening to music and it has really deepened our relationship.

[00:12:35] Frank: You talk about relationship deepening there. I think the analog activities have done exactly that for me as well and my family. We were very intentional with our kids, not to put them in front of devices. We’re picking things like board games, reading to each other. And I love the fact that it’s transformed my relationship with my kids and my wife, because we come out the other end of all these activities feeling more energized and more happy to be in each other’s presence. The world is so much greater.

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[00:13:05] Sabrina Pierotti: want to transition to one of my favorite things, which is travel and vacations. I love, love traveling. Kind of going back to what we talked about earlier, this huge trend of having a quietcation, like going somewhere in nature, going to a spa. Someone who sits down at their computer to plan their vacation that has the intention of having it be relaxing and disconnected. What are those initial questions and check marks that people need to make sure they’re covering when they’re planning a trip like this?

[00:14:20] Frank: Well, typically we choose the idea of a vacation because we want a break and we want to rejuvenate and refresh. Personally, I start, well, what does a rejuvenating vacation actually look like? Not what I think it looks like, but what it should actually look like. And all the ads and the glossies out there tell you, you know, if you’re on a beach, you’re happy. But if you’re on a beach, and you’ve got a billion activities that you’ve signed yourself up for, plus your smartphone, plus the 15 things that you have to do socially as well, it doesn’t feel as relaxing, and there’s no real disconnect that’s happening, and they’ll wind down. So, I think of every weekend as a vacation, because by the time Friday afternoon rolls around, I’m fried mentally, I am absolutely fried. And so, it’s so easy for me to think, OK, well, if I just pack in the 20 hobbies that I want to do on Saturday morning, plus the five social engagements I want to do Saturday afternoon, plus the dinner that I’ve got scheduled for Saturday evening, just with my family, that feels rejuvenating to me, or at least I think it does. But if I really question it, I’ll quickly recognize, actually, maybe the best thing to do is to read a book Saturday morning. Maybe the best to do a Saturday afternoon is take a nap. And then maybe the thing to with my family Saturday evening is to go out and get a bite to eat or order in and pick a board game. I talked about paddleboarding earlier. To me, it’s very easy to go in a group tour and do paddleboarding as a group thing, but I will go through to the extra step of finding a tour group that is a bit more aligned with my interests, which is a little bit quieter. I’m looking for ways to cut down those distractions to find that rejuvenation.

[00:16:04] Sabrina Pierotti: That is such great advice. I want to do some myth busting. There’s a few myths that stop people from disconnecting or going on an analog vacation, and I want you to debunk these myths for me. So, the first one is silence equals boredom. What do you say to that?

[00:16:23] Frank: It can at first, but give it enough time, and it becomes, I don’t know how to describe it, Sabrina, it becomes your best friend. Silence, I would say, is actually probably the most important thing, because we can finally let our minds rest, our bodies rest.

[00:16:38] Sabrina Pierotti: The next one is when you go on a quiet vacation, you’ll feel relaxed immediately.

[00:16:45] Frank: It does take a little bit of time. And what I find is that it typically takes three to four days to completely disconnect. And go, OK, yeah, I’m actually on vacation now. Even though I might be in Mexico or in Hawaii, it’s going to take me three days to forget my previous life there. And here I am.

[00:17:04] Sabrina Pierotti: The last myth is you have to go to a full silent retreat to reap the benefits.

[00:17:12] Frank: Not true at all. That’s an extreme way. And I certainly did it unintentionally, which was pretty funny. But I am a big fan of just taking little micro breaks. So, even just taking an hour or two in the mornings on a Saturday, I think is really, really important for me personally, and just building a little bit of silence structures around there. One of the things I do personally, and it took me some time to build up to this, getting up a little earlier than everybody else in my family, and intensely giving myself an hour or two with whatever analog activities in there. For me, it’s an hour of meditation and an hour journaling and completely being away from my phone and any screens. I think that does so much more for me every single day to rejuvenate me before my day even starts. And I try to build in a little bit of 5 to 10 minutes of a silent disconnect every night, right? Putting the phone into another room, making a bit of a routine of just coming up to my bed and going through, you know, my routine, which is sitting on my bed for 5 to 10 minutes and just listening to my breath. I think it has really, really transformed my life. So, you don’t need to go into full silent retreat. I think those little practices are so much more profound.

[00:18:19] Sabrina Pierotti: As we’re kind of unraveling our conversation here, that is a common theme of just what hinders a lot of people from actually disconnecting are these fears and anxieties and stories. So, these are very common fears that stop us. And once again, I just want your take in your debunking of these fears. So, you had mentioned you set very clear boundaries with your family and friends. You focus more on intentional in-person communication versus digital? Is there anything else that you do?

[00:18:51] Frank: I actually have found that it’s easier to set boundaries when things are inconvenient. So, you know, the example of putting my phone away into a separate room and just having to get up, it’s silly. I know I could literally take the 30 seconds and move my body to get to the other room, but I don’t, because it’s inconvenient. It’s the same thing with my laptop and my entire home office is in a completely different room. And I make sure that there’s no digital device presence around me when I’m in the other parts of my house, for example. It’s just inconvenient. My phone, when I go out for a hike, is in my backpack buried under a whole bunch of things. So, even if it rings, it’s hard to get to. So, if it’s going off, it’s not truly an emergency, because there’s no second ring there. I don’t need to worry about it. So, I purposely make things a little bit more inconvenient.

[00:19:40] Sabrina Pierotti: That’s awesome. You have three kids and a wife. How do you approach going on vacation when other people are not totally aligned on your intention to disconnect?

[00:19:53] Frank: We’ve got lots of friends who, to your point, don’t necessarily have the same boundary that we do, and their kids do have exposure to phones, which has exposure to social media, and has brought a lot of challenges, I would say, for them and their family. And that’s not a knock against them. It’s just what that naturally entails. So, with my kids, my wife and I, we are very intentional about, here’s the boundary. We’re not going to cross it.

[00:20:18] Sabrina Pierotti: All right, now we are headed into our mail bag segment. And this is an exciting segment where listeners of the podcast and AAA members have a chance to ask their questions.

[00:20:18] “I have ADHD, and I’m really struggling with screen time. I’ve tried app blockers and limits, but after a few days, I just override them or ignore them. I want to be on my phone less, get outside more, maybe take a daily walk and just have a little more structure, but I can’t seem to stick with anything. I also know I get bored with routines really fast, so the usual advice to just build habits doesn’t really work for me. How do I create a system that works with that need for novelty and set up against it? And how do I cut back on screens without triggering that instant rebellious nope reaction?”

[00:24:03] Sabrina Pierotti: What do you say about that, Frank?

[00:21:08] Frank: My wife, I would describe her to have a very similar personality type to the listener over here, easily distractible and struggles with the routines and has a tough time probably setting boundaries in place with respect to disconnecting. However, I think the intention here is really what matters. As long as you’re setting that intention and coming back to it, even if it feels like failing every single time, it’s the intention that really carries momentum. There’s a great book called “Atomic Habits” out there, which is, it’s not necessarily about falling through on the habit outcome. It’s about just building the habit itself. It takes time. It’s uncomfortable. But once the habit’s established, it just becomes very natural.

[00:21:52] Sabrina Pierotti: Yeah. I can see that. Thank you so much, Frank. If people want more content to connect with you, where can they find you?

[00:22:00] Frank: On my YouTube channel, Stationery At 4, the irony in that is that I just announced that I’m taking an extended break from YouTube, maybe indefinitely. This is one of those things that just naturally came to me as well, where on my channel, I talk a lot about analog routines and structures and intentions, exactly this kind of conversation. And for me, it just became very apparent right now in my life that I wanted to take a step back, focus on family and really bring a little bit more balance in. If you do enjoy this kind of conversation though, there’s an archive of all these videos up there, and I hope people get out of it what they’re looking for.

[00:22:34] Sabrina Pierotti: It’s great content. I encourage everyone to head over there and check it out. Frank, thank you so, so much for chatting with me. Frank, thank you so much for all that you shared. We covered a lot of ground, and I just want to talk about a few key takeaways. So, an analog vacation does not mean you have to vanish into the woods or sign up for a silent retreat tomorrow. It can be honestly as simple as creating a little more distance from your phone, a little space in your schedule, and just a little less pressure to optimize every second of your trip. Frank reminded us that convenience and connection are not always the same thing, and neither are convenience and rest. Sometimes the very things that feel a little slower or less efficient are what make an experience feel more real, more grounded and more memorable. And maybe the biggest takeaway is this: If you want a vacation to actually feel restorative, it may not be about doing more. It may be about making room to just be. If what Frank shared in our conversation is resonating with you, we’d love if you could leave us a review and share it with a friend who’d love it too. It helps more than you know, and we have way more episodes coming your way. So, thank you so much for supporting the show.

The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are not necessarily the views of AAA Northeast, AAA, and or its affiliates.