Merging Into Life: How to Plan for a Wedding

[00:01:59]
Amanda Greene: She’s the founder of Budgetsavvybride.com, host of the podcast, the Bouquet Toss, and author of a bestselling wedding planning book, the Budget Savvy Wedding Planner and Organizer.

How did you get into wedding planning?

[00:02:13]
Jessica Bishop: So when I was engaged in planning my own wedding, I was looking for resources to help me pull it off within a pretty limited budget at the time. We had decided based on our savings and what we could save over the course of our engagement, that we could spend about $10, 000 and that was all we were going to be able to spend. We were pretty freshly out of college. We wanted to host a large group of our friends who were still very much involved in our lives. So I had to really get creative and come up with resourceful ways to pull off a wedding for 150 guests within a $10, 000 budget. And so that was how the Budget Savvy Bride started.

[00:02:51]
Amanda Greene: So let’s say you just got engaged. What’s the first thing to do?

[00:02:55]
Jessica Bishop: Well, I always tell people to take a moment and just soak up the newly engaged glow. I think there’s always this pressure to just start planning things right away. Your family and friends are going to immediately start asking you, when’s the wedding? What’s the venue? All of the questions, but take a moment and enjoy being engaged and also start having those important conversations with your partner about what is it that we really want out of our wedding day? How do we want to feel? How many people do we want to be there? Getting really clear on what you picture and envision for that day is a key part to starting the planning process.

[00:03:30]
Amanda Greene: How do you temper the expectations of your wedding day being the best day ever with everything that there is to do? There’s a lot of pressure. Do you have any tips how to make it an enjoyable day and not a super stressful day?

[00:03:45]
Jessica Bishop: I think no matter what size budget you’re working with, what your circumstances are, not doing it so DIY that you’re the point person and in charge of everything on the day, I think a day of or month of coordinator is an absolutely worthy investment. You want to be the guest of honor at your wedding. You don’t want to be the director. So having somebody who is in charge, who is going to answer all the questions and deal with all the logistics on the day of is such a worthy investment. And I encourage every couple to do that for their own sanity and enjoyment and their ability to be present on the wedding day. It’s such a cliche, but it truly goes by in such a flash, and you want to be able to be as present as possible with your partner, with your families, with your friends who’ve traveled and you’ve spent all this money to put it together, let somebody else handle all the details on the day.

[00:04:38]
Amanda Greene: That makes a lot of sense. So where do you start?

[00:04:41]
Jessica Bishop: One exercise I find really helpful for couples to go through is almost like a values exercise. What do we really care about? What matters to us about the wedding? And then using that list to prioritize the aspects that you’re going to focus on, you’re probably going to focus more of your money on those aspects. So that’s a really, really helpful exercise I think, just so you’re on the same page and you can use a very detailed checklist to systematically go through the whole process.

[00:05:09]
Amanda Greene: How do you keep all of that organized?

[00:05:10]
Jessica Bishop: Well, luckily there’s a lot of online tools and resources now, but definitely having a dedicated wedding planning binder still, that pen to paper is great. There’s also lots of great digital tools. I’m a big fan of a hybrid approach at this point. I think Google Docs has become an absolute necessity in a lot of people’s lives, and you get that two-way communication or sharing between you, your partner, and potentially your wedding planner or vendors. So it’s a great way to collaborate on things like that.

[00:05:41]
Amanda Greene: The size of your wedding also is going to play a big part in this. What are some of the similarities between planning a bigger wedding versus planning a smaller wedding?

[00:05:49]
Jessica Bishop: Well, all the elements are really the same. When you think about it, you’re going to need a venue photographer, you’re going to need catering, flowers, all the things. All the vendors, all the elements are likely going to be the same regardless of the size of your guest list. But the thing is, when you invite more people, you’re obviously adding up the costs with each additional guest you add. It’s another chair, it’s another meal at the reception, it’s another invitation. For every eight to 10 guests that can fit at a table, it’s another table, centerpiece, flower arrangement, whatever.

And so you really have to be careful and think about, especially if you’re working with a tight budget, exactly how many people you can realistically afford to have because each person is just adding an additional line item to your budget at the end of the day. Cutting your guest list is the simplest way to cut your costs, but it’s not the easiest by any means because it’s so emotional. There’s so many people you would love to include, but at the end of the day, I always encourage being financially responsible when it comes to your wedding.

[00:06:48]
Amanda Greene: It’s hard too because when everyone is asking you about your plans, it almost feels like they’re expecting an invitation.

[00:06:54]
Jessica Bishop: Yeah. Oh, it can be so sticky. And I definitely feel for couples these days because with the economy and inflation and everything else, it just costs more now than it did 15 years ago when I was planning. So it’s definitely a challenge.

[00:07:08]
Amanda Greene: So how do we keep that guest list under control?

[00:07:11]
Jessica Bishop: Well, there’s some good sort of handy rules of thumb that you can use to eliminate people from the guest list. One I really like to suggest is thinking about, would you or you and your fiancé invite this person to dinner and pay for their bill? Because that’s essentially what you’re doing when you’re inviting them to your wedding. If you haven’t physically seen them or spoken to them in at least a year, maybe they don’t need to be included. And really just evaluating, I think it gets into this really tricky territory when you’re like, oh, if I invite this person from this aspect of my life, then I’m going to have to include these other people. It’s all a gut check. But I do think that those handy flowcharts sort of things, there’s one in the book that I think is really helpful in deciding who to include and who not to.

[00:07:57]
Amanda Greene: Like when you’re cleaning out your closet, they say, if you haven’t worn something in a year, you need to donate it. I guess the same goes for a guest list for your wedding. If you haven’t talked to them or seen the person in over a year, it’s probably not essential that you invite them to your wedding.

[00:08:11]
Jessica Bishop: You can always blame it on your venue capacity. We could only fit this number of people. We’re keeping it to our closest family and friends. It’s tough, but you got to do it if you want to stick to your budget.

[00:08:25]
Amanda Greene: I feel like people often think that planning a destination wedding might be a budget-friendly option. What are some of the pros and cons about going the destination route?

[00:08:35]
Jessica Bishop: Yeah, I definitely think there is a certain idea that it could be a way to save money. And I would say the thinking there is more based on the fact that there are going to be guests who self-eliminate from the guest list, maybe because of their schedule or finances or family obligations, whatever the case might be. So your guest list might be smaller with a destination wedding, which could help reduce the cost. But there’s added costs too. In some instances, you’re talking about international travel, you’re talking about a longer stay, you’re not just going for a day. So there are additional costs involved that you really have to weigh all the options and do the math to know whether or not you’re actually saving.

[00:09:17]
Amanda Greene: So Jessica, you are the expert. I’m sure this is probably one of the biggest points for most couples. How do you make a reasonable budget and also the hard part stick to it?

[00:09:27]
Jessica Bishop: Oh, yes, it is the biggest hurdle I think that a lot of couples face, and I really think a lot of it is because of the social media of it all. We’re not just comparing our weddings to the people whose events we’ve actually been invited to and witnessed in person, but we’re seeing weddings online from celebrities and influencers and people who have a completely different set of financial circumstances then we do. And so my best advice for couples is always to really figure out realistically, how much you can actually afford to spend and be committed to not putting yourself into a financially bad situation in order to have this wedding that you can’t actually afford.

Look at your savings, decide how much you want to allocate towards this event, how much you can realistically put away each month to go towards the wedding fund. If you have family members who are able and willing to financially contribute, and you want to accept that help because it often comes with conditions or opinions on how the money should be spent. So it’s always a caveat, I say, but having those discussions with your families and finding out how much are you able to contribute? When will those payments be made? Do you want the contributions you’re making to go towards specific aspects of the wedding? These are all really important conversations to have, and it’s not always comfortable, but it’s so necessary just to have everything be very transparent and clear. And yeah, communication is key always in everything.

[00:10:56]
Amanda Greene: Regardless of the budget. Is there anything that you recommend people always pay for no matter what?

[00:11:03]
Jessica Bishop: Good photography. Honestly, you’re your wedding photos are one of the only tangible reminders of the day that you’ll have, and a good quality photographer is an investment, but those are the things that you’ll be looking back on for years and years to come. You’ll be sharing them with your children and grandchildren, and I’m just such a big believer in capturing those memories professionally.

[00:11:24]
Amanda Greene: Are there any easy things that you recommend people DIY?

[00:11:28]
Jessica Bishop: There’s so many things you can DIY truly, whether it’s decorations. Depending on the type of venue you are using, it’s possible to find venues where you could potentially bring in your own alcohol, which is a great savvy tip because oftentimes professional catering halls or event venues, they have alcohol markup that’s significant. And so if you’re able to control the cost per bottle of the wine or beers that you’re serving, that’s a really great way to save, but not always possible depending on the venue you choose.

[00:12:04]
Amanda Greene: Are you seeing a lot of the older traditions still being upheld, or do you think people are doing their own thing now?

[00:12:10]
Jessica Bishop: I think couples are really blazing their own trail and breaking the rules and making new traditions. I think it’s really amazing. It’s something that we actually talk a lot about on our podcast, the Bouquet Toss, which is an age-old wedding tradition. And what we did in our first season of that show is we actually talked about the history and the origin of where all those traditions came from. You might decide, you know what? This doesn’t really align with us. It doesn’t feel true or right or authentic to who we are as people, so we’re going to toss that tradition. I really love that couples are doing more of that.

[00:12:41]
Amanda Greene: How do you pick the right people to be in your wedding party?

[00:12:45]
Jessica Bishop: It’s a tricky thing, and I think what I’ve seen more of lately is not necessarily always choosing the longest relationships, but the people who are more present in your life right now or the people who you really do see being in your life for many, many years to come. Obviously there’s always the chance of hurt feelings and things going wrong, but at the end of the day, being in someone’s wedding is a responsibility. There’s a lot that comes along with it. Time investment, money, travel, and so you really have to be openly and honestly communicating with those people and finding out if they’re really up to the task.

[00:13:22]
Amanda Greene: Are people tending to keep their wedding parties smaller these days? I feel like, I don’t know, even 15 years ago people had 12 bridesmaids and 12 groomsmen and the lines were so long.

[00:13:33]
Jessica Bishop: I think overall, we’re seeing a lot of couples cut back, not just on their wedding party, but their guest list as well, just because of the sheer money involved in it. And I do think it also has to do with the fact that a lot of couples are getting married a little bit later in life, and so their social circle is maybe a bit smaller as they get older.

[00:13:49]
Amanda Greene: Planning a wedding brings out so many emotions, and it does seem like everyone wants to share their opinion about your wedding when you’re planning it, right? What is the best way to set expectations when it comes to your in-laws, for instance?

[00:14:06]
Jessica Bishop: Oh, that’s an interesting question. I think the best thing you can do is always graciously accept their feedback or ideas, but express you and your partner have made the decisions you have because it’s what feels most true to the two of you. And obviously, like I mentioned, your family is contributing financially perhaps. That can make things a bit more sticky, but it’s just clear communication and a little bit of gentle boundaries I think are helpful in those conversations.

[00:14:39]
Amanda Greene: Do you see people assign maybe them a task or a job so that they are included in a way, but maybe not in the way they were trying to be?

[00:14:47]
Jessica Bishop: Yeah, that’s always a great compromise too. Helping them feel heard and involved is going to go a long way, especially if you might be diverting from their particular wishes. Overall, I think it’s about just mutual respect and understanding that you are joining two families together and you want everyone to feel included.

[00:15:10]
Amanda Greene: What are some hot wedding trends you’re seeing right now?

[00:15:13]
Jessica Bishop: I feel like I’m seeing a lot of food trucks. We’re seeing a lot more non-traditional food elements and also almost making them into art pieces. So I don’t know if you’ve seen they have these really cool, almost, I think it’s like a wafer of some sort. They can monogram it, put the couple’s initials and things like that and put it in the cocktail glasses. I don’t know what the name is for that, but I’ve seen so much of that lately. Also, a really unique statement piece seating chart, which becomes a bit of a photo opportunity as well as an element of interaction where the guests can go up and they can get a key, or sometimes it’s a glass of champagne that has a ring on it that has their table number and their name, so they know where to go sit. So finding ways to make the practical elements of the wedding also interactive and personalized I think adds a lot to the guest experience and is just a really cool photographic detail too.

[00:16:10]
Amanda Greene: Planning a wedding is such a fun thing for a creative person who wants to do all of these ideas, but probably sounds like a nightmare for someone who’s like, whoa, that sounds like a lot of work.

[00:16:19]
Jessica Bishop: You don’t have to go overboard at the end of the day. I really think that the most special weddings are the ones that feel like the couple. You get a real sense of who they are, and that could be as simple as personalizing your wedding vows or having someone you know be your wedding officiant. Those things don’t have to cost any extra money, but they add to that level of personalization and make it feel like your day, not just some generic day that you’ve seen all over Pinterest or Instagram a hundred times.

[00:16:48]
Amanda Greene: From all of your experience, do you have any final words of encouragement for maybe a newly engaged couple starting to plan their wedding?

[00:16:56]
Jessica Bishop: I would say, first of all, just enjoy this time together. Enjoy the engaged period. It doesn’t last long. At the end of the day, you’re only a fiance for so long, and really use this time to dive deep together into what truly matters to you, not just for your wedding day, but for everything that comes after as well.

[00:17:16]
Amanda Greene: So I was looking at your Instagram page and I came across a lot of details that I’ve never thought of, so I’m using that as my inspiration for a few rapid fire questions. Are you ready?

[00:17:28]
Jessica Bishop: Let’s go.

[00:17:28]
Amanda Greene: The best bridal party gift you’ve seen?

[00:17:31]
Jessica Bishop: I really love a nice piece of jewelry, I think is a good memento, something they can wear again. Big fan of things like that.

[00:17:38]
Amanda Greene: Real flowers or fake?

[00:17:41]
Jessica Bishop: Real flowers are super expensive and you might not realize just how much until you get into planning. So I’m a huge fan of a faux floral arrangement.

[00:17:49]
Amanda Greene: Open bar, closed bar?

[00:17:51]
Jessica Bishop: For the budget’s sake, closed bar.

[00:17:53]
Amanda Greene: Are kids invited or is this adults only?

[00:17:56]
Jessica Bishop: I’m a big fan of adults only celebrations, but I’m a childless millennial.

[00:18:01]
Amanda Greene: AI. Using AI to help write your vows?

[00:18:06]
Jessica Bishop: I just can’t. It should come from the heart and AI can be helpful as a tool, but I don’t think you should rely on it completely. I’ll say that.

[00:18:15]
Amanda Greene: Jessica, thank you so much. We appreciate you coming on and sharing.

[00:18:18]
Jessica Bishop: Thank you so much for having me.

[00:18:20]
Amanda Greene: That was Jessica Bishop, the Budget Savvy Bride. So how do you and your partner do everything possible to make your wedding a day to remember? Make a budget and do everything you can to stick to it. Make your day your own by really thinking about what you and your partner value. There are so many details to think of and tasks to be completed. I loved Jessica’s suggestion to find or hire a point person for the wedding day at the very least. You want to be the guest of honor, and I think one of the most important things she said was enjoy yourself.

You’ve been listening to Merging into Life where we navigate life’s milestones, one episode at a time, brought to you by AAA Northeast with assistance from Jar Audio. I’m your host, Amanda Greene. We would love to hear what you think. Your feedback really matters to us. So if you have any ideas for an episode or you just want to say hi, please leave a review wherever you listen or email us at podcast@AAANortheast.com. The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are not necessarily the views of AAA Northeast, AAA and or its affiliates.